I read this on the Inet just a second ago, and it made me giggle.
The problem with buying a package of cookies is that I'm torn between gobbling them up immediately, and savoring them. If I gobble them up, not only will I be hit with an immense wave of guilt, but they'll also be gone too quickly. If I wait, they run the risk of being stale. This upsets me the most when it's Milano cookies or Oreos, two brand names that almost everybody on the planet likes. Both my Milano cookies and my Oreos are now stale. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't find the tears.
Welcome to Shelf Life.
It was probably cos I thought a guy wrote that column until now.
Also, I'm exempt from Gummint. Somehow.