I was writing a talk for church today on the backs of index cards and, as I am wont to do, I let my mind wander quite a bit while I was doing it. I got to thinking about how I've never run for any sort of electable position at skool. I always blamed it on "I don't want to get involved in weirdo Church of Christ politics (I'm Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, sorta different there)," but I don't think that was entirely honest. I tried figuring out a bit why I never did run. I thought about bizarre confidence problems that seem to come out of the woodwork at times. I mean bizarre. I'd be much more confident as an Olympic gymnast than as an actor in a high-skool production of "Up the Down Staircase." And I've never done any gymnastics before, but I have acted before. Now tell me that isn't bizarre. I mean, how does that make sense? I know I'd make the greatest under-cover soldier guerrilla secret agent ever, but my fear of not being able to properly pull of a Czech accent prevents me from buying a tuxedo and growing a mustache and flying to Spain. I think that's strange too.
So I thought some more, because I knew that it wasn't the confidence that was the issue. I was CONFIDENT that if I ran I would win. I considered lack of caring. That seemed more like it. That's something I'm real good at. Apathy has always been a real cool cannon that I could fire whenever something got in my way. Lame teacher? Blam, I don't care. Bad food? Blam, fish is better, who cares. Hard final exam? Pshaw, I can take an F on this. Caltech isn't gonna look at my seventh-grade Bible grades. (Neither am I, if it means anything.) So apathy was definitely an ingredient.
Now I also told people I NEVER WANT TO BE LIKE AMY HARWELL. Yeah, the one who told me later that her hair was naturally black. (I believe her.) I don't want to be the scapegoat that everyone unfairly blames for all their problems for years afterward. I know, however, that I wouldn't do anything disastrous enough for that to happen. And I certainly wouldn't let the people who control me do that either. Ha ha, Sons of Liberty.
So, guys! I just shot my own excuse full of holes. Should I run next year? Note, however, that if I get a job at the State Department like I'm trying to do, I won't be able to attend the dumb (apathy!) retreat, thusly nullifying my election. But money is no object! I'm rolling in cash! Or actually, my financiers are! So if I should run, then I'll run! And throw everyone's confidence in the toilet!
Salt Marsh: I was serious about the suspenders thing and the chess thing.