Sunday, June 29, 2008

Not very nice of me!

OK, I'm going to say that it was a little bit cruel of me to throw that last post at you guys. I didn't make that up, it was generated using a computer. That's why I said that it would scare me if anybody claimed to understand it. They'd have to be crazy or a liar.

Just should have given some advanced warning or whatever. You know, like if the Soviets decided to blow us up it would sure be nice if they told us first. That way we could go into a cave well-stocked with crackers and lead paint. I've seriously been in caves stocked with hard tack, by the way. America, home of the brave. We were willing to eat hard tack and salt pork for as long as it would take to beat the godless Communist oppressors.

(I'm actually watching MTV Cribs again, and the guy on now is an idiot. I don't think he can even read. MTV used to be good, dude. Where'd the magic go?)

And yeah, sorry again for giving some serious headaches to you guys. I can't even read that stuff. Luckily I know when to quit.

Did you notice that the paragraphs were more or less identical?

Saturday, June 21, 2008

I'm watching MTV Cribs and this is what I typed.

I can be smart too! Look:

We have already seen that the descriptive power of the base component is unspecified with respect to the traditional practice of grammarians. Note that the earlier discussion of deviance raises serious doubts about a parasitic gap construction. Conversely, this selectionally introduced contextual feature can be defined in such a way as to impose problems of phonemic and morphological analysis. This suggests that the appearance of parasitic gaps in domains relatively inaccessible to ordinary extraction is, apparently, determined by the strong generative capacity of the theory. It may be, then, that a case of semigrammaticalness of a different sort cannot be arbitrary in an abstract underlying order.

Let us continue to suppose that the systematic use of complex symbols appears to correlate rather closely with nondistinctness in the sense of distinctive feature theory. Summarizing, then, we assume that relational information does not affect the structure of a general convention regarding the forms of the grammar. However, this assumption is not correct, since a subset of English sentences interesting on quite independent grounds may remedy and, at the same time, eliminate the ultimate standard that determines the accuracy of any proposed grammar. It must be emphasized, once again, that the descriptive power of the base component is not subject to the requirement that branching is not tolerated within the dominance scope of a complex symbol. It may be, then, that a case of semigrammaticalness of a different sort is unspecified with respect to a parasitic gap construction.

Nevertheless, a case of semigrammaticalness of a different sort is unspecified with respect to nondistinctness in the sense of distinctive feature theory. By combining adjunctions and certain deformations, any associated supporting element suffices to account for an important distinction in language use. Note that a subset of English sentences interesting on quite independent grounds can be defined in such a way as to impose irrelevant intervening contexts in selectional rules. We will bring evidence in favor of the following thesis: the speaker-hearer's linguistic intuition cannot be arbitrary in a stipulation to place the constructions into these various categories. Conversely, the appearance of parasitic gaps in domains relatively inaccessible to ordinary extraction raises serious doubts about the strong generative capacity of the theory.

Bet you didn't know I had an IQ of like 170-180. Seriously, I think I do have an IQ that high. Or really high anyhow. Towards that end of the scale it's less ans less accurate and less and less relevant.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

It's been coming.

Before we start today, I'll say that this is something that's been building up for a long long time. I originally gave this tirade during the leadup to my English final, while the proctor was looking for a place to stack finished exams.

Why do you need to make room on your desk? Why not just move all that stuff to the floor?

The floor is an underutilized architectural element in Western society. What do we need all of this junk for? Are you kidding me? Furniture? What are chairs for? What do we need these desks to be three and a half feet in the air for? I don't need my paper to be waist-high to write it. Make it nine inches high or a foot high and sit me indian-style in front of it. Or I can kneel. That's ok too.

Why do we have these beds way up in the air? Just lay on a flat mattress or something. Couch? Nah, cushions. Set 'em on the floor and put your tush on 'em. If you want to lean, get yourself a big round cushion.

Television? Computer? Floor. Set the keyboard up on your table. You only need one table. Perfectly square, made of wood, parquet is ok, stone inlay is ok. One foot tall. About four or five feet long on each side. If you want, you can put shallow drawers or pockets on the side. Great.

I've been sleeping and sitting on floors my whole life, and it hasn't hurt me none. Try it. You might like it.

Coming next week, my diatribe against silverware! And any foods other than raw fish!

Saturday, June 14, 2008

We cracked the Gibson!

I saw what looked like the lamest date ever today. Here's the story.

I went down to the river to go skimboarding today. I was having fun, and some dude who looked like he knew what he was doing showed up. He was skimboarding too. Then I noticed that he had his girlfriend with him. No biggie. What he does is his business, right? Well then I saw that she wasn't skimboarding. But she was moving around all the ramps for him and standing around watching him skimboard in a mediocre manner.

Now what's the deal with this? "Hey toots, lets go watch me skimboard. And then you can move around the ramps." That's so vain and inconsiderate. It's like if I said "Come on, I'm going to hack this server and you're going to watch me sit in front of my flickering VGA monitor and get me a screwdriver or notebook every now and then." How is it supposed to be exciting or fun for her? He wasn't particularly good at skimboarding or good-looking shirtless.

For real, go to a baseball game or something. Spectatorship isn't always bad, but this isn't real spectatorship. If he were a world champion skimboarder or if he were super-muscular, I could see that it might actually be fun for her to watch him and move around his ramps.

It just didn't look all that rewarding for her, like she wasn't really getting anything out of it. It sort of reminds me of that episode of Still Standing where the teenage daughter was dating some jerk, who kept playing basketball with her because he thought if he beat her mercilessly then she'd think he was a hunk, and at the end of the episode he says, "Maybe later you can come to my house and watch me lift weights." Really, I can understand wanting to showcase your talents, but what about some of her talents and stuff?

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

That sarcastic little...

Just leave your name.

1. I'll respond with something random about you.
2. I'll tell you which song or movie you remind me of.
3. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
4. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
5. I'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
6. I'll ask you something I've always wondered about you.

I got this idea from a friend of mine some time ago and I've been considering doing it for a while now. It seems fun. It might be a little hard for me, but I think I can handle a challenge.

Friday, June 6, 2008

I'm happy.

I finally got my hands on a pair of suspenders. They're sort of a bluish color. I've been wearing them with the same ripped jeans and faded MIT shirt for three days. Well, not really. I wore shorts and a red shirt Thursday.

Bad news though. I ripped my favorite Vans on the couch corner and I forgot to bring chopsticks... I'm not going to be able to eat on this trip. What's wrong with me? How do I forget something that important? That's like a normal person forgetting to bring their glasses or something. That's like me forgetting my glasses. It's like me forgetting my Cubs wristband. It's like a normal person forgetting their foot. It just can't happen. It's not right.

What's this world coming to?